Failure

I feel like a failure. I just can't seem to get back on track and follow my diet. I know that I am killing myself-literally. I have to lose weight because of my health. I was doing so well. I lost 35 pounds and have gained it all back except for 10 pounds.

I still want to use prayer and meditation to help. This is what I want to do. I will meditate, listen to spiritual tapes, pray for help and guidance, continue to exercise, journal, use EFT (emotional freedom technique) and make a food plan. I am going to ask Patricia for my Eat to Live book back and follow that diet for six weeks. That is about how many weeks that I have until I go on vacation so that will be good.

So....here is my plan for tomorrow on:

Mon-Thursday
5:00 Rise, shower and meditate
6:15 Get Al ready to go to work
6:30 Take Al to train
7:00 Walk/go to Curves
9:00 Go home, shower, eat cereal fruit/green salad/nuts (listen to tape), go to library to work
12:00 Go home, meditate
1:00 Eat Salad (listen to tape)
2:00 Go to Panera's to work
4:00 Meditate
5:00 Exercise tape
6:00 Pick up Al; eat Soup
8:00 Meditate and go to bed

Friday
5-9 Same
9:00 Eat fruit/greens (tape), Housework and laundry
12:00 Eat salad (tape)
1:00 Go to library to work
3:30 Meditate
4:30 Exercise tape
6:00 Pick up Al; eat soup
8:00 Meditate

Saturday
5 Rise, shower, meditate
6:30 Go for walk or bike ride
8:00 Eat fruit/greens (tape)
9:00 Work (either volunteer or house project
1:00 Movie or something fun
5:00 Go to Center to meditate
10:00 Bed

Sunday
5 Rise, shower and meditate
6:30 Go for a walk or bike ride
8:00 Eat fruit/greens (tape)
9:00 Work (either volunteer or house project)
10:30 Go to Center if there is a meeting
12:30 Go to Center if no meeting to meditate
4:00 Eat (soup & salad)
5:00 Do something fun with Al (movie? walk? TV?)
8:00 Meditate, bed

I am also going to fit in reading about controlling my demons and doing EFT. I will do that at the times that I listed where I have tape mentioned. This will be an option instead of a spiritual tape.

I am praying to God to give me the strength to do this. I am powerless over food and without the help of the Higher Power, I will never make it.

Starting Over

I have been a dieter all of my life. I started out as a chubby toddler, progressed into a fat little girl and ended up as an obese teen-ager. My mother put me on my first diet at age 7. I can still remember it and how much I hated it. It was the hard-boiled egg diet and was probably the precurser to the Atkins Diet because it basically consisted of hard-boiled eggs for breakfast and lunch and steak and a salad for dinner. I was so sick of hard-boiled eggs by the time I finished it!

I finally did lose weight as an older teen-ager. I still considered myself fat, but at least I was socially acceptable and dated a lot during those years. I don't remember how I did it. Probably I cut out the junk food and started eating healthy and getting more active. But as soon as my first romance hit some bumps and I went away to college where I had the freedom to eat whatever I wanted, I packed on the pounds. I went from being moderately overweight to seriously obese in a few short years. I have been searching for the answer to losing and keeping weight off ever since.

This time, I have a two-year goal in mind. I am going to work with a group of women who will all be working on weight loss but who have added the buddy system and prayer and meditation to the mix. We are going to work on it for a year and if we are successful, we will write a book the following year, outlining how we did it. In the meantime, I will be publishing this blog as a sort of diary to chronicle the journey.

Whenever I start a new leg of my journey, I am always hopeful. But it is getting harder to believe that I can do it. I don't really have a choice, though. Something's got to change or this weight will kill me!